Tired of Tears

When these tears flow down
I think-
What is it that I want?

Am I satisfied with who I am?

The answer glares at me
Everyday
I grapple with it
Everyday

The fact that I'm not
Never have been
Never can be
Happy with who I am

Need solace
Need advice
All the time

Why don't I ever trust myself?

Maybe its about time now.

I'm tired
Tired of tears

Picking them up now
The little droplets
Scattered all over my life

Picking them up and turning them into a fountain
A fountain showering over the new life
That I'm now about to paint.

The relationship

You know what it was?

It was that space between the fingers-
Empty.

It was those salty tears rolling down the cheeks -
Transparent.

It was those words that were said to each other
Day after day
Hour after hour -
Meaningless.

The Widening Gap

I see it.
It's unending
As a long winding road
Untouched by smoke
Or metal
A clear gray surface
Around it, vacuum

I see it.
It's vast
As wide as the horizon
The white mist over the sea
That extends on and on
As far as you can imagine
Just mist - white mist

I see it.
It's loud
As sonorous as the sound of clanging metal
In your head, much after the sound is over
Or as silent as silence inside the shell-
The whoosh of the sea

I see it.
It's deep
As deep as the wound
That once bruised this heart
It has been trying to fill itself up since then
In vain

I see it.
The gap
The widening gap between us
It scares me that I still see you
Beyond this ever-widening gap
I think I'm going to start digging it deeper
Pushing you away further
So that I don't see you anymore.

The gap needs to be wider
Or there will never be an escape.